I’m desperately seeking a reader who laughs in all the right places, finds my pacing perfect, my sense of humor witty, my elocution fresh…  

I want a reader who enjoys how I touch them with all the right metaphors, finds my clichés delightful, is unafraid of my experimentation, says, “A 400-page novel told in the prospective of a rat? Yah. Yah, I can dig it!”

Someone who likes my prose quick and roughly written, can be swayed to overlook grammatical mistakes, realizes that with run-on sentences, there’s a whole lot more detail to love…

I need someone who adores my mixed tenses, is not frightened of their emotions and cries readily over a description of a mangled petunia, wants me to be in control from page one, loves variety and is open to meeting the crazy characters I introduce them to, and in turn wants to introduce me to their friends and book groups.

Give me a reader who doesn’t mind my obsessive or dark moments, all those short stories about death and destruction.  I desire a reader who is a little naughty, craves my double entendres and is smart enough to get them.

I want someone who’s up for PDA, happy to turn my pages in public, move their fingers down my book’s spine.

Give me perfectionists, the college educated, the ones who picked up their knowledge on the street, the fools… I promise I can satisfy them all.

Let’s experiment, read my pages to your girlfriend, your best friend, your mother…  I will be the throuple you didn’t know you were open to.

I want a faithful reader, someone who returns to me over and over, wanting more.  In fact, I’ll go crazy if you whisper, “I want to read it again.” 

Oh!  I know you are out there, Dear Reader, waiting for me as anxiously as I wait here for you.  

You’ll be happy to know, I’ve started my next novel, and as soon as I finish, I’m going to put it into your hot, strong hands…

Yes, I’m looking for a reader who wants a good line.  Reader, I’m desperately seeking you!

So, writers…  Tell me….

What kind of reader are you looking for?